Friday, March 20, 2009

As I get off of the phone with the mortgage company (always delightful), I open my e-mail to find a rather cryptic blog entry by my wonderful Brycedaddy! He talks about living in the now, and not living in the now, and planning for the future, and whips and chains and llamas. Oddly enough, I understand what he is rambling about!

I have always believed in living for the moment, in the moment, and existing in the "now." Because the past is simply gone, and the future is so ambiguous, the only time that really exists is now. HOWEVER, can one truly live in the now if they have an extremely insecure future?

I look at it like this... one cannot attend to her spiritual needs (peace, tranquility, nowness), until her basic survival needs are safely met. SURVIVAL needs are food, water, shelter, heat, and internet... Okay, okay, what I'm getting at is that if I am not sure that I will have a house next month or food on my table, I am damn sure not focused on my spiritual needs. While it's important to live in the "now" and not spend your entire life worrying about tomorrow or the next appointment or death, in order to do that one must have those basic needs secure!

What will you tell your kids when you have to move in with grandpa? "Dear, this is a spiritual experience, try living in the now." I don't think so. Or when your eight year old can't log on to do his daily blogging because the internet has been shut off? (Oh, damnit, I keep forgetting that's not a basic need.) But you get the picture.

Why do you think all the enlightened jedi masters live in caves or under trees, why they are shrunken and you can see their ribs through their rags? Ooh, ooh, I know! They are living in the now with complete and utter disregard to their basic needs... how wonderfully spiritual totally ridiculous of them! So, I am going to follow this twelve step plan for enlightenment:

  1. Pay the mortgage

  2. Make sure I can pay the mortgage for the next few months

  3. Pay the water bill

  4. Make sure I can pay the water bill for the next few months

  5. Pay the energy bill

  6. Make sure I can pay the energy bill for the next few months (did I mention heating and air conditioning being one of the basic needs?)

  7. Buy groceries only when they are on Manager's Special orange sticker at Kroger

  8. Plant a garden so I have food for the next few months

  9. Pay the internet bill (OKAY, FINE... just gimme this one)

  10. Meditate or allow life to flow through you in whatever way brings you peace (I prefer laughter as a meditation)

  11. Do good deeds and spread love (two here makes up for #9)

  12. Reach nirvana

Okay, sounds like an easy twelve-step program, right! I'll be rising above my ego in no time... right after I pay some bills and get another job!!! :)

By the way, this yogi here is lookin' FINE! Somehow that doesn't look too peacful to me. Someone, please give this man a Hot Pocket!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


"I can feel you in the pocket of my black hoodie, smooth and hard. I roll my thumb over your familiar surface, back and forth, as if the motion alone may force a chime, a chirp, anything... But no, today you became nothing more than a phone to me."

... no more non-commital monotone conversations at my own convenience.
... no more screaming in capitals.
... no more LOL, or ROFLMAO.
... no more thumbtyping while stopped at an intersection.
... no more thumbtyping while driving down the freeway.
... no mr msacrng englsh syntx.
... no more frightening yet comforting chimes in the middle of the night.
... no more silly random pictures e-mailed to my spouse at work.
... no more checking constantly to see if anyone cared enough to e-mail me that second.

Ahhh, media package, you have been like a kind-of-annoying little sister to me. Although we had our fun when we were together, I will not miss you now that we are apart.

I finally did the deed. After forking over $371 to AT&T for our last two months of telephone bills, I asked the polite young man in the tidy blue shirt to please cancel my media package. He did so without hesitation or question... odd, I thought, because usually they try to keep you shelling out the dough. Hmm, I chalk it up to the economy. Phone dude knows that it's time to cut back. I knew it was something that had to be done.

Honestly, I am looking forward to stepping off of the information superhighway back onto the sidewalk (not quite into the nature trail yet)! The pace is slower, but more friendly, and a little more real.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I am sick and tired of discontent being the common ground... in politics, in religion, in human relationships, on television, and freakin' everywhere!

Seriously, when you meet someone new, do you end up talking about things that you DON'T LIKE? What's wrong with the economy, what's wrong with that second grade teacher, what do you hate about the new Facebook. Think about it, we are even complaining about things that make our lives EASIER... because they might not be perfect!

Do you ever find yourself on the computer, trying to upload a picture, and it takes that little blue bar more than three seconds to complete the upload! Do we sit and marvel at the amazing technology that allows us to take a snapshot of our sexy new lingerie, and within minutes have our husband clocking out of work early? NO, we bitch about it taking a nanosecond too long! What is this world coming to?

My grandmother is 103 years old. She is one of the most patient people I have ever known. Do you think it's because she actually had to work for everything she had? If we're thirsty, we get fresh clean water squirted right into our glass from the side of the fridge. Then we put the glass in our dishwasher and it gets clean! If my grandmother wanted so much as a drink when she was a girl, she had to walk to the well, dip the bucket down, haul it up, and scoop the water. Never mind what they went through for lemonade or milk!

I think we all take so much for granted. Stop for a minute and totally marvel at everything around you that makes your life easier... from cell phones and computers, to public schools and grocery stores! Our world truly is amazing!

But is all this amazing-ness making us discontented, ungrateful little brats? If you don't think so, try this little experiment: Spend one entire day without saying anything negative at all. Nothing. Try to notice how many times someone else says something negative to you, and try to respond with a neutral or a positive! By the end of the day you will be fully enlightened, and will be raised into the light to live eternally as the spirit of good. No, um, just kidding. But you might actually understand what the hell I'm talking about!